Ruminations of a Child Free woman
~ I am 35 year old
~who has known since forever known that she doesn’t want any kids (Voluntarily childfree/ childfree by choice)
~I love my child free lifestyle. I love having total control over my time & my ability to do what I please whenever I please without having to adjust my schedule or priorities around children. I love spending uninterrupted Adult time with my spouse. I like the fact that I don’t have to be worried sick about another person’s future & thus enjoy my own present. (some people told me that after a certain point one just starts living for their children…what a scary thought…I live for my own sake, I celebrate myself & I want to keep it that way)I love having fun & changing nappies or feeding to a child who spits more than she swallows is certainly not my idea of fun.
~ I get sick up to my neck of people telling me that I’d change my mind/ I’d regret my choice…in fact this constant sermonizing is what triggered me to write n share this
~I don’t hate other people’s kid (okay I dislike them when they throw things around my house n spit food on my carpet & behave in general like brats). In fact I adore my niece to bits. (To this people tell me ‘other people’s children can’t be your own’…not to worry I’m not trying to make her my own as in counting her to be there for me when I’m old or anything…I adore her ‘cos she’s adorable n that’s it).
~Contrary to what people assume ‘I’m never gonna change my mind on this one’ & ‘I’m sure I’m not gonna regret my choice either’.
~ I’m from India. Here the concept of ‘child free’ seems to be totally unheard of. In fact to this date I’ve not met any woman/ couple who are voluntarily childfree. The childless couples I know have either adopted or considering adoption.
~People just don’t understand the difference between childless n childfree. Many good intentioned souls suggest I go for adoption. Heck I don’t want any kids. Mine or adopted. Period.
~ Incidentally my mom n my hubby don’t have any concerns on me being childfree but others have their own ideas including the poor incomplete moi theory.
~The only downside of being child-free is that some how it seems to upset n offend most people with children & the diatribe they almost dutifully launch into. They almost consider it their duty to try n convince me to ‘see sense’ n rethink my decision!!!! Though I’m sure their intentions are good but their advice is unnecessary. I’ve made my choice with my heart n mind & I am capable of choosing what’s right for me.
~ Once a woman I’d just met asked me ‘in which class your kids are studying?’ Note the wordings, not ‘do you have kids?’…it’s just assumed everyone has kids….when I told her I don’t have any, she said “I’m sorry”!!!!! I had to assure her ‘but I’m not sorry…infact I’m very happy’… she looked very confused 😀
~Another ‘classic’ reason given to me to have children is ‘that it strengthens a relationship/marriage’…what bull?? In my not so humble opinion, a relationship which depends primarily on the two people involved is stronger than one which depends on third person to strengthen it or hold it together.
~Now to answer the most serious ‘Allegation’ against child-free folks that we are selfish (‘cos we don’t think the way rest of you do )
’ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.’
~Just as you don’t understand my choice to be child free I don’t understand your need to breed but I let you just be who you are with all your good n bad choices without asking you to explain or defend them & I expect you to do the same. Not too much to ask for, is it??
~Most of the people I admire are childfree—Ayn Rand, Howard Roark, Osho, Scarlett-o-Hara
~Happy Child free Day to all the cool child-free folks.
(Also See: Revisiting Child Freedom)
Related articles
- Are Childfree Men Misunderstood? (whynokids.com)
- Guest Post: Mummy Martyrs (goldencoathanger.com)
- Top Twelve 2012 Posts (whynokids.com)
- Choosing to be Childfree in a Changing World (psychologytoday.com)
- What? No children? (theage.com.au)
- If You Don’t Have a Baby, You are Going to Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie (stirrup-queens.com)
Hmmm…
The silliest lines that I keep hearing at fairly regular intervals is that one must behave in a certain manner to fit into the society (Read to please others)….so very Peter Keatingish….(I guess saying this is the strategy of Peter Keatings to get other Peter Keatings stuck in the same dull boring n cumbersome land of should behave in such n such manner else what will the other Peter Keatings say!!!)…I just can’t think or operate in this manner…..I think one can behave in any which way that (s)he pleases as long as they are not hurting others…but to do certain things only to get approval of certain people or just cos joneses too are doing it is downright madness.
Hmmm…
The worst kind of people in this world are those who laugh at other’s failure…they seem to get some special kind of joy in this..I guess I’m not the first or the last ‘victim’ of this bizarre & loathsome behavior…it’s called Schadenfreude in German…Schadenfreude is pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others…too bad I’ve not yet learnt to deal with this kind of petty behavior completely & sometimes let it get onto my nerves & thus give more importance to the petty minded people more time than they deserve i.e. two minutes of my time.
Hmmm…
Sometimes I guess I’m too stubborn in defending my faults even though I accept them internally ( & every time I defend myself, though I do that very rarely, I kick myself mentally & hate myself being in that place & keep thinking internally why the hell did I get into this conversation & why the hell am I continuing to be in it…this sort of defensive behavior against my own will leaves me drained & with bad taste in my mouth & I just dunno whom should I be more mad at, myself or the person who dragged me into it??) …but then to be fair to myself I really don’t understand why others have the need to point out my faults to me…I mean which human being can claim to have no faults?? & besides I just love myself the way I am, warts & all.
Hmmmmmm
To the bitch who made nasty comments about me behind my back:
You just showed the world that you are more stupid & insecure than we thought & you made me ‘more amused’. Hope you are able to find something worthwhile to do with your own life rather than spraining your small brainless head over making comments over why I do what I do. But anyways thanks for amusing me.
I don’t understand such behavior at all
~There’s a colleague of mine who always asks me to hush up & talk softly cos ‘shhhhhhh others will hear us’ & that too when we are talking about innocent stuff like what we got for lunch n so on….now I’m not a huge fan of talking loudly n let everyone know about my lunch & other mundane & boring stuff but I can’t understand for the life of me why am I supposed to talk in conspirational tone all the times as if I’m hatching a plan to murder someone…it annoys me not a little when she goes on shhhhh shhhhhhh for the 100th time in a single day. I just don’t understand what she’s got to fear & why she just can’t be herself without caring what the world thinks of her!!
~The same colleague borrowed some clothes from me & returned them like after a month & after that din’t lose the opportunity to remind me not less than a dozen times that she din’t wear any of them!!!! Now how does it matter to me whether she wore them or not…as far as I’m concerned she took them away for an indecent period of time. Talk about being ungrateful & ungracious!!
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