Ruminations of a Child Free woman
~ I am 35 year old
~who has known since forever known that she doesn’t want any kids (Voluntarily childfree/ childfree by choice)
~I love my child free lifestyle. I love having total control over my time & my ability to do what I please whenever I please without having to adjust my schedule or priorities around children. I love spending uninterrupted Adult time with my spouse. I like the fact that I don’t have to be worried sick about another person’s future & thus enjoy my own present. (some people told me that after a certain point one just starts living for their children…what a scary thought…I live for my own sake, I celebrate myself & I want to keep it that way)I love having fun & changing nappies or feeding to a child who spits more than she swallows is certainly not my idea of fun.
~ I get sick up to my neck of people telling me that I’d change my mind/ I’d regret my choice…in fact this constant sermonizing is what triggered me to write n share this
~I don’t hate other people’s kid (okay I dislike them when they throw things around my house n spit food on my carpet & behave in general like brats). In fact I adore my niece to bits. (To this people tell me ‘other people’s children can’t be your own’…not to worry I’m not trying to make her my own as in counting her to be there for me when I’m old or anything…I adore her ‘cos she’s adorable n that’s it).
~Contrary to what people assume ‘I’m never gonna change my mind on this one’ & ‘I’m sure I’m not gonna regret my choice either’.
~ I’m from India. Here the concept of ‘child free’ seems to be totally unheard of. In fact to this date I’ve not met any woman/ couple who are voluntarily childfree. The childless couples I know have either adopted or considering adoption.
~People just don’t understand the difference between childless n childfree. Many good intentioned souls suggest I go for adoption. Heck I don’t want any kids. Mine or adopted. Period.
~ Incidentally my mom n my hubby don’t have any concerns on me being childfree but others have their own ideas including the poor incomplete moi theory.
~The only downside of being child-free is that some how it seems to upset n offend most people with children & the diatribe they almost dutifully launch into. They almost consider it their duty to try n convince me to ‘see sense’ n rethink my decision!!!! Though I’m sure their intentions are good but their advice is unnecessary. I’ve made my choice with my heart n mind & I am capable of choosing what’s right for me.
~ Once a woman I’d just met asked me ‘in which class your kids are studying?’ Note the wordings, not ‘do you have kids?’…it’s just assumed everyone has kids….when I told her I don’t have any, she said “I’m sorry”!!!!! I had to assure her ‘but I’m not sorry…infact I’m very happy’… she looked very confused 😀
~Another ‘classic’ reason given to me to have children is ‘that it strengthens a relationship/marriage’…what bull?? In my not so humble opinion, a relationship which depends primarily on the two people involved is stronger than one which depends on third person to strengthen it or hold it together.
~Now to answer the most serious ‘Allegation’ against child-free folks that we are selfish (‘cos we don’t think the way rest of you do )
’ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.’
~Just as you don’t understand my choice to be child free I don’t understand your need to breed but I let you just be who you are with all your good n bad choices without asking you to explain or defend them & I expect you to do the same. Not too much to ask for, is it??
~Most of the people I admire are childfree—Ayn Rand, Howard Roark, Osho, Scarlett-o-Hara
~Happy Child free Day to all the cool child-free folks.
(Also See: Revisiting Child Freedom)
- Are Childfree Men Misunderstood? (whynokids.com)
- Guest Post: Mummy Martyrs (goldencoathanger.com)
- Top Twelve 2012 Posts (whynokids.com)
- Choosing to be Childfree in a Changing World (psychologytoday.com)
- What? No children? (theage.com.au)
- If You Don’t Have a Baby, You are Going to Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie (stirrup-queens.com)