Revisiting child Freedom

A while back I wrote a post on my thoughts about being child free  in a world where ‘breeding’ is almost regarded a ‘fundamental right or fundamental duty’ (depending on your gender)…no kidding…one of the guys on a childfree forum told his tale where he is meeting with backlash ‘cos of his choice to remain childfree though he wants to get married, someone has actually said to him ‘you are trying to deny women their fundamental right to have children’!!! By corollary it is almost regarded a fundamental duty for females to have kids & if they choose not to have kids they are labeled: selfish, horrible, immature & what not. I mean I am still surprised that it’s actually okay for people to grill (read hound) us for our choice & tell things like ‘you will regret it later’. I was reading a book ‘Nobody’s mother:life without kids’ by Lynne Van Luven which is a collection of stories by women who have already made this choice. From introspective to humorous to rabble-rousing, these are personal stories that are well and honestly told. The writers range in age from early 30s to mid-70s and come from diverse backgrounds. All have thought long and hard about the role of motherhood, their own destinies, what mothering means in our society and what their choice means to them as individuals and as members of their ethnic communities or social groups. (She has also written a book ‘Nobody’s Father: Life without Kids to share men’s perspective)..in the book one of the interviewees turned the tables on the person who asked her ‘Don’t you regret not having kids?’ by asking the hitherto unasked, ‘Do you regret having them?’ Whoa…I really like this attitude.

I came across another interesting book ‘No Kids: 40 Good Reasons Not to have children’  by Corinne Maier (who is actually a mother!!). The reasons she gives include (some of them hold good for me while some do not, everyone has their own set of reasons)

•You will lose touch with your friends
•Your sex life will be over
Children cost a fortune
Child-rearing is endless drudgery
Vacations will be nightmares
You’ll lose your identity and become just “mom” or “dad” (I’ve seen many couples actually call each other mama & papa, how hilarious is that??)
•Your children will become mindless drones of capitalism

•The planet’s already overcrowded
•Your children will inevitably disappoint you

The complete list :

40 GOOD REASONS NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN
1. The “desire for children”: A silly idea
2. Labour is torture
3. You avoid becoming a walking pacifier

4. You keep having fun
5. Rat race plus rugrats: No thanks!
6. You keep your friends

7. You won’t have to use that idiot language when talking to kids
8. Open the nursery, close the bedroom
9. Kids are the death of desire
10. Kids are the death knell of the couple
11. To be or to do: Don’t decide
12. “The child is a sort of vicious, innately cruel dwarf” (Michel Houellebecq)
13. Kids are conformists
14. Kids are a treasure, and will cost you one
15. Kids are unbiased allies of capitalism

16. A brain teaser: How to keep kids busy
17. The parent’s worst nightmares
18. Don’t be fooled by the “ideal child” illusion
19. Your kid will always disappoint you
20. The horror of becoming a merdeuf
21. Parent above all? No, thank you
22. Keep the experts at bay

23. The family: A horror
24. Don’t revert to childhood
25. It takes real courage to keep saying, “Me first”
26. Kids signal the end of your youthful dreams

27. You can’t stop yourself from wanting your kids to be happy
28. You can’t get away from your kids

29. Get used to it: School is a boot camp
30. “Raise” a child . . . but toward what?
31. Avoid benevolent neutrality like the plague
32. Parenthood is a sad, sweet song
33. Motherhood is a trap for women (& for men too if you ask me)
34. Motherhood or success: Pick one
35. When the child appears, the father disappears
36. Today’s child is the perfect child: Welcome to the best of all possible worlds
37. Danger, child ahead
38. Why wear yourself out for a future that doesn’t include you?
39. There are too many children in the world

40. Reject the ten absurd commandments of the “good” parent

The reasons that are compelling for me are in bold. I love my independence & freedom to do things I want to do. I just can’t imagine making kids a priority & yup, kids are a big financial and emotional drain. I’ve seen this happening in my own life. My hubby has a son from his previous marriage. Hubby spent his life’s saving on getting the son educated & still he is unemployed & not taking things seriously enough to get a job. Apart from financial death this is emotional death. Now spend the rest of your life being worried over the child’s future & your own future. This is definitely not the way I want to spend the rest of my life. I love a simple life & not wasting money so that I can quit the Rat Race & spend time with peace n quiet. That simply isn’t possible if I have kids to worry over. I see lot of connection between simplicy, being child free & quitting the Rat Race

When I posted about child freedom the last time I got positive response from like minded people, we really bonded over our same feeling about this issue but I also got this:

‘You know, You’re sick.
Seriously sick. I thought such mindlessness only exist in books, but “tada”….. here u r, bearing the flag of being pseudo-intellect.
I actually kind of liked your blog, even suggested it to few ppl, but after reading this post, i understood u r just another one of those so called “we are special” ppl….
Carry on, go ahead. Its ur life, but i wanna say again, u r sick. definitely sick. ‘

This is what sucks about the attitude towards child free person, if we make a choice that is not the same as yours, it definitely doesn’t give you rights to judge us.

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September 12, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Books, child-free, Happiness, I-Me-Myself, My lifestyle, My Values, Personal, Quitting the Rat Race, Reflections/Musings, Simplicity.

8 Comments

  1. Ruminations of a Child Free woman « Ritu’s Weblog replied:

    […] (Also See: Revisiting Child Freedom) […]

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  4. Akhil replied:

    Hi Ritu,

    It is a classic piece of write up..very well written..gives plent of food for thought for those who are childfree or planning to stay childfree…keep it up

  5. ritusthoughtcatcher replied:

    Hi Akhil thanks a lot for the feedback…I’ve gained lots of new insights on this subject from discussions with you..I mean I just discovered that one of my gal pal too decided to be childfree, but she says there is nothing to discuss, it’s a decision that has been taken & that’s the end of it…but I like to think about my choices & thought processes..your friendship has been very valuable to me in this regard.
    🙂

  6. Quitting the Rat Race #4: Killing the cycle of consumerism & (over) work « Ritu’s Weblog replied:

    […] Revisiting child Freedom (ritusthoughtcatcher.wordpress.com) […]

  7. Quitting the Rat Race #5: Can Money/stuff Buy Happiness? Putting Things in Perspective « Ritu’s Weblog replied:

    […] Revisiting child Freedom (ritusthoughtcatcher.wordpress.com) […]

  8. Leena replied:

    Hi Ritu,

    Great post and I agree with every single word you said up there. I am 35 and live in India and we have been childfree by choice for 13 loving years now – and for people who are still contemplating about it – go ahead – life is just a beautiful journey – you have all the time in the world – you have lots to give – to reach out to others who really need you – love you – take care of your parents – reach your goal.

    I am so glad I came across your blog – great going Ritu – spread the word – make India a better place to live for everyone!

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